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Sunday roast? Don’t risk it!

A Sunday roast aka The Enemy Within Pic from Wikipedia

The 5pm Takeaway blog has always held that kitchens can be dangerous places for the unwary.

You never know when an outraged Gordon Ramsay might leap out and scream at you or, potentially worse, you might find an out of date, family pack of Pickled Onion Monster Munch lurking at the back of the cupboard and be tempted to eat them out of curiosity.

Ours feared have turned out to be well founded thanks to a new survey by the Zurich insurance company.

Beware the roast

According to their research, the Sunday roast dinner is statistically the most dangerous meal to cook at home. It’s closely followed by chicken tikka masala; the full cooked breakfast; fish ‘n’ chips and bangers ‘n’ mash.

The safest dish to prepare at home is beans on toast followed by boiled eggs with toast soldiers.

Shark diving

Apparently, the Sunday roast poses so many risks because the chef needs to juggle so many different pots and pans at the same time. Add in spitting fat, boiling water and carving knives and, all of a sudden, cooking a Sunday roast takes on the same risk profile as going shark diving protected only by a thin layer of Pedigree Chum.

Recipe for disaster

Phil Ost, Zurich home insurance expert said: ‘The modern kitchen is a feast of gadgets and gizmos which can easily become a recipe for disaster.

‘Celebrity chefs such as Heston Blumenthal and TV programmes like Masterchef have inspired many of us to get experimenting in the kitchen, with the likes of blow torches, deep fat fryers and mandolin slicers now common place.

‘However, our 2013 risk assessment shows that the more you have going on at once when cooking, the more likely it is to result in an accident – with the greatest danger being a fire.

‘So it’s not surprising that the Sunday roast dinner – often described as being like a “military operation” – tops the list of Britain’s riskiest dishes.’

Log on to 5pm Takeaway

Which leaves the 5pm Takeaway blog with one simple piece of advice: don’t take any risks. Ste away from the kitchen; switch on the computer and log into 5pm Takeaway.

That way, you can have all the food you want delivered without risk of a trip to A&E.

Don’t say we don’t care.

 



The Last Post for Colonel Sanders?

KFC's Colonel Sanders: about to disappear from branding?

The 5pm Takeaway blog was tickled to read speculation that Colonel Sanders, the founder and mascot of KFC, may be retired from promotional duties.

Colonel Sanders died in 1980 but, until now, his face has remained an integral part of KFC branding. However, KFC recently launched a new concept called KFC eleven and the Colonel is nowhere to be seen.

Move away from mascots

Pundits see it as part of a wider process in which food brands are moving away from mascots and cartoons. In America, once ubiquitous mascots such as Hamburglar have pretty much vanished.

Of course, Ronald McDonald was never as widely used in the UK as he was in the States.

However, while the slightly sinister clown figure was seemingly everywhere in America at one point, he seems to have scaled down his public appearances of late.

Where’s the Honey Monster?

The same thing is happening in the UK. Unless the 5pm Takeaway blog is watching the wrong TV then we don’t seem to have seen much of the Honey Monster lately and has Cap’n Birdseye gone on a long sabbatical?

Monkey has so far survived the mascot cull

The exception to the rule seems to be Monkey, the mascot used to sell PG Tips. He is still going strong.

Less fortunate was Lois, the chimp who originally played the PG Tips mascot. Lois passed away, aged 37, in Twycross Zoo recently.

According to Lois’ obituary in The Telegraph, staff at the zoo commented that Lois never let the fame go to his head.

The 5pm Takeaway blog can never resist a cheesy joke, especially when it involves chimps. We love the pay-off line for this clip.



Not McLovin’ it

The 5pm Takeaway blog has been enjoying all the recent stories about McDiving.

For those who haven’t picked up on the alleged craze, McDiving is not a sophisticated activity. In short, it involves going to a branch of McDonald’s and diving over the serving counter.

Bounced out

The divee then dives back again or hangs around for the Maccy D staff/security to bundle them off the premises.It won’t become an Olympic sport anytime soon.

Apparently students from Aberdeen to Bristol have been McDiving and then posting their hijinks on YouTube. Fans of McDiving have set up a FaceBook page to commemorate some of the finest McDives.

However, some dissenting voices reckon that this is not a new craze but a revival of something that was popular some eighteen months ago.

Bullingdon Club

The 5pm Takeaway blog was no angel when younger but McDiving sounds rather like the restaurant trashing which the boys of the Bullingdon Club have been accused.

What are the odds that in a few years down the line, some aspiring politico will be outed as a McDiver?

I imagine that the staff at McDonald’s are not best pleased when, at the end of a long shift, some numptie hurls themselves over the counter.

McDoing

The 5pm Takeaway blog could never condone violence. However, I like to imagine that, out of sight of the security cameras, the McDivers are given a cautionary McClip-Around-the-Ear by disgruntled employees.

Naturally, 5pm Takeaway customers are far too cosmopolitan to even think about McDiving and prefer to sit back and wait for their food to be delivered to door after ordering online.

It may not provoke the same adrenaline rush as McDiving but there is no risk of a McKicking from an irate bouncer.



You’re kidding me: fast food news

Felling hungover? Who you gonna call? Manchester Hangover Delivery Service?

You can always rely on the 5pm Takeaway blog to fill you in on all the fast food news which you never knew you needed…

First up, the 5pm Takeaway blog would like to salute Joe and Jason, two Mancunian lads who have set up the Manchester Hangover Delivery Service.

Recovery tools

The idea seem to be that if you wake up hungover in Manchester then their delivery service will bring all the necessary recovery tools to your door.

From a giant bucket of KFC to half pound of chocolate via a family-sized bag of Monster Munch or a 2l bottle of ginger, the boys will deliver sweet relief to your door.

The only downside is that you need to pre-order before you start working your way along the gantry.

Everyone from The Sun to the Daily Mirror and The Manchester Evening News has picked up on this one which suggests that Joe and Jason might be rather busy this weekend.

Beyonce’s burger

The 5pm Takeaway blog also liked this Beyonce related tidbit from Entertainment wise. Working backwards from a pic the singer posted on Instagram, the figured out that she likes burgers from the American In-N-Out chain.

Who said investigative journalism was dead? Watch out for next week when we exclusively report on a bear seen entering a wood with a toilet roll.

Can you believe it? Famous people also eat burgers? Pic from Instagram/Beyonce

London loco over Five Guys launch

In other breaking burger news, the 5pm Takeaway blog was flabbergasted to learn that one fan of the Five Guys burger company queued from 4am in order to be the first to eat a cheeseburger at the chain’s inaugural UK branch.

Launched last week in Covent Garden, the new Five Guys is said to be so popular that customers are happy to queue for hours before getting their teeth into the much hyped meat patties.

How long before some entrepreneurial  young gun offers a queuing service for cash rich time poor burger addicts?

Don't get between a Five Guys fan and her burger. Pic from Five Guys



Get the Rennies in

The 5pm Takeaway blog is happy to note that today is the Fourth of July. For many in the US of A, this means Independence Day and a chance to chug a few beers while celebrating being the home of the brave and the land of the free etc etc

For others, today means it’s time for the 98th annual Nathan’s Famous Fourth of July International Hot Dog-Eating Contest.

Eating competition

According to archives, the competitive eating contest has occurred each July 4th since 1916, the year Nathan Handwerker opened Nathan’s Famous restaurant in Coney Island. Legend has it that the competition first started when four immigrants held a hot dog eating contest as a way of proving who was the most patriotic.

Patriotism

If eating hot dogs was still a true proof of patriotism then Joey ‘Jaws’ Chestnut would be the most patriotic man in America today. For the last six years, Mr Chestnut has won the contest. Last year, he took down the title by eating 68 Nathan’s Famous Hot Dogs and Buns in ten minutes.

Sonya Thomas of Alexandria, VA, A.K.A. The Black Widow, will defend her title as Female Champion.  She consumed 45 Hot Dogs and Buns in ten minutes last year, setting a new women’s world record.

Competitors who fail to keep their dogs down are disqualified. Those who don’t are said to have suffered a ‘reversal of fortune’.

Don’t try this at home

Naturally, the 5pm Takeaway blog advises against readers trying this at home but we do wonder if a Scottish equivalent could be viable?

How many munch boxes do we reckon Mr Chestnut could take on? The munch box at Sherwoods Fish and Chips in Paisley contains donner meat, chicken pakora, veg pakora, chips, onion rings, fritters and a wrap. Surely a few of them would be more of a test of a man’s mettle?

We notice that the munch box also contains salad but that isn’t fooling anyone.



Like the chicken, buy the suit

The Colonel's suit: presumably cleaned of any finger-lickin' sauce which may have been spilled on it

Do you like fried chicken? We do.

More specifically, do you like KFC fried chicken?

Do you like it enough to pay £21,500 for the suit of KFC’s founder, Colonel Sanders?

The 5pm Takeaway blog wouldn’t be caught dead coughing up that sort of cash for an elderly gent’s suit. However, if you are called Maseo ‘Charlie’ Watanabe and you are the president of Kentucky Fried Chicken Japan then $21k probably sounds a perfectly reasonable amount to pay for Colonel Sanders’ white suit and his clip-on bow tie.

Colonel Harland Sanders rocking his trademark duds

Brand loyalty

Mr Watanabe bought the suit at auction in Dallas, Texas last weekend. He was heading to a KFC meeting but flew to the States early in order to bid for the suit.

Had he wanted to demonstrate brand loyalty then walking into the boardroom wearing Colonel Sanders’ trademark garb is as good a way as any.

Halloween outfits

It’s perhaps more difficult to imagine other fast food bosses queuing up to wear clothes associated with their brand.

Not much of a market for Ronald Macdonald outfits among the upper levels of Mcdonald’s top brass, one imagines, although the clown costumes are said to be popular in America when Halloween swings around.

You can also buy Burger King masks in homage to the company’s rather scary Burger King character.

I don’t think that the ad below ever ran on British TV. Presumably because the slogan ‘Wake up with the King’ would have most of us reaching for the personal alarm rather than the BK menu.

 

 



French go Doh-nuts for Homer

Many people who are old enough to know better, including the 5pm Takeaway blog, were no doubt thrilled to learn that Universal Orlando plans to open a Simpsons Theme Park this summer.

Apparently, The Simpsons Ride is already open as is a fast food boulevard which boasts Moe’s Tavern, the Krusty Burger joint and Lard Lad Donuts.

Apple pie and hand guns

Fair enough. Both fast food and The Simpsons are as American as apple pie and hand guns.

We are finding it more difficult to get our heads around the fact that the French-owned fast food company Quick is to bring out a Simpsons-themed menu in August.

Donut burger

Apparently, the menu includes les maxi donuts; les cheesy donuts and a donut burger bun which looks suspiciously like a bagel from where we are sitting.

Now, the 5pm Takeaway is all for hands across the Atlantic friendships but we think that Quick may have missed a trick.

Surrender monkeys

After all, the most memorable link between France and The Simpsons to date came about when Groundskeeper Willie called the French ‘cheese-eating surrender monkeys’ back in 1995.

Surely a monkey-shaped cheeseburger topped with a white flag would have made for a more pertinent symbol of the special relationship that exists between the US and France?

Just sayin’.

 

 



Pizza in space

If the 5pm Takeaway blog was floating in deep space then we would want a few home comforts and pizza would be pretty near the top of the list – just after a good book and our favourite Fungus the Bogeyman hot water bottle.

Print a pizza

So, congratulations are due to NASA who have coughed up $125k to fund research into pizza which can be made using a 3D printer.

The idea is that such a device could be used to feed astronauts on long space journeys. The ingredients for the pizza would be dried, powdered and stored in cartridges ready to be printed as needed.

The technology behind 3D printing has already been used to make a pistol. Printing a pizza sounds a much more civilised use for this revolutionary new technology.

Infinity and beyond

The pizza cartridges would have a shelf life of around fifteen years – handy when traveling to infinity and beyond.

We’re less certain about some of the toppings: insects and algae have been mooted as ingredients. The 5pm Takeaway blog can do anchovies on pizza and, being tolerant types, we even try to understand those poor souls who favour pineapple on their pizza.

We draw the line at locusts.

The 5pm Takeaway blog is no stranger to fast foods in space. Last year, we reported on another NASA pizza project and who can forget the intrepid Harvard students who sent a burger suborbital?



Fast food gets faster

 

At 5pm Takeaway, we know how it is. You really want to eat that Whopper you just bought but you’re busy giving a massage, salsa dancing or painting your nails.

You could put the Whopper down and give your full attention to the task in hand but that would mean not eating the Whopper.

It’s a dilemma.

Hands-free

Fortunately, it seems as though Burger King have solved the problem by inventing the hands-free Whopper. Like the contraption that one man bands use hold their harmonicas, BK are reputed to have devised a Whopper holder that allows users to fill their face while leaving both hands free to play Football manager, trim the hedge etc

Gimmick

It turns out that the device was invented by an ad agency to celebrate 50 years of Burger King in Puerto Rico. The agency had just 50 of them made as a promotional gimmick.

Regrettably, Burger King bosses seem to be distancing themselves from the stunt.

The 5pm Takeaway blog feels they are acting rather hastily. The hands-free Whopper holder could double productivity among fans of BK products.

Order online takeaway

This writer’s keyboard would require significantly fewer cleans if there was a device that enabled me to eat my lunch without taking my fingers off the keys.

We can’t promise hands-free fast food but we can do stress-free fast food with 5pm Takeaway.

Online ordering; menu-browsing and organising a delivery can all be done from here.



Takeaway your hangover

 

What would the Wolfpack eat when they ain't feeling so good?

So The Hangover III is out and it got us thinking ‘What are the best takeaway foods for curing a hangover?’

While the 5pm Takeaway blog always advises sticking within the recommended limits for safe drinking, there have been mornings when the night before has been a little fuzzy.

Feeling chipper

The question is, what takeaway is likely to banish the morning after blues; quell any queasiness and generally get us feeling chipper again?

This blogger is big fan of congee when feeling second best. The Chinese equivalent of porridge, it’s like a savoury rice soup and is often flavoured with pork, fried tofu and thousand year eggs.

Not many takeaways serve it though so a soothing chicken and sweetcorn soup or fiery hot and sour soup, such as those served at Edinburgh’s New Hot Pot, would do the trick.

Takeaway curry

Many people swear by a curry to kick start the system after a night on the sauce. I can see the appeal of an Indian takeaway but, for this blogger, the reality of a bhoona when feeling delicate might be a little too powerful.

There is a lot to be said for the restorative powers of a pizza when the morning after the night before is looking a little grim.

Pep up with pizza

Containing one of your five a day in the form of tomato sugo along with cheese; a good crisp base and, hopefully, some pepperoni, a pizza contains most of the food groups essential to soothing a hangover.

We have heard that some seasoned booze hounds take the precaution of ordering a takeaway pizza to be delivered before they head out for the night.

The reasoning is that not only will they have something to eat on their return but, assuming they don’t scoff all of it in one go, breakfast the next day will be already sorted.

Cheers!